Against Discrimination,Allgemein

Thoughts on Gender Equality triggered by “pick-up artists”

With the whole discussion about dubious methods of public sexual harassment covered as “the art to pick up women”: some thoughts.

I normally don’t do stuff like that, but I just unfriended some guys who were posting videos defending Julien Blanc’s methods of how to “pick up girls”. They argue that “he is succesful”, “he gets laid” and “the women can be happy for the attention they get from men”.

A couple of weeks ago I had a row of conversations with young men who were all heading in the same direction: a bunch of complaints that in nowaday’s world a man can’t approach a women without the threat of being called a sexist jerk.

In their opinion, interpersonal interactions (of course purely of heterosexual nature) should in first place lead to sex. That’s the only point of starting to talk to a woman. Women, so their argumentation, should not only be aware of that – they should also stop pretending as if they didn’t want it. Because actually all women, especially those who dress up fancy and show their bodies more or less self-confidently, are craving for nothing but male attention and physical contact. 
Guys like that are offended by women who reject them immedietaly or – even worse – after a chat and a drink. The idea that women might care about more than just flesh to f**k doesn’t seem to cross their minds. There’s more to that, but I suppose my point is clear.

So, this is where Julien Blanc enters the scene: the master to the unsatisfied men who feel overrun by women with choices and voices, who come together to whine about how the world nowadays is merely opressing men; that whatever you do is wrong; that their trick of being a horny, drunk prick never works. So here Blanc comes to propose the solution to all men: be confident, love yourself, be a self-centered narciss and force women to their luck (their luck = you get to have sex with them), because you are the best that could happen to them.

Yes, I know – there are videos showing that Julien Blanc does occiasionally say that a man should pay attention to a women’s reaction – but there are also so many things just sexist, offensive and dangerous to women’s rights and equality. Some things are simply so wrong, they can’t be compensated with some standard phrases about how women should be seen as people not as objects. 
This reminds me of a young man I once made acquaintance with. He was charming, quite handsome and good with the ladies. We got along well, until he told me how he follows a bucket list – like every real man – and just achieved a great thing: to make a women unconscious right before she climaxes, because that would give him a feeling of strength, power and really turn him on. He apparently experienced an amazing orgasm while she, well, she was not so much in the mood, after she woke up again. This did not happen consensually and it is needless to say that our ways did not cross again.

So here’s the next argument defending shameless pick up tricks: “The women laugh, they giggle to these jokes”. I know that, I see that. And there might be women who are attracted to that kind of stuff. But there is also a huge group of women who simply don’t speak up. Who think “a little bit of harassment is just the usual, I gotta live with that, life goes on.”

I have very little female friends who never faced unconsensual sexual action. This begins with guys who believe, seeing a women in a tight dress in a night club gives them the right to spank her butt or touch her boobs. And then just stay and blow hot air and drunk phrases in her ear while they press their body against hers. And yes, life goes on and this one incident is easily forgotten. But not all are, and the more often it happens, the heavier it weights. 

And guys, let me tell you one thing from my own experience: when you’re getting mad at me, because I stare at you angrily the moment you’re stumbling up to me with a cheesy smile in your face and a beer in your hand: yes, I judge you, before I meet you; I put you in a very unpleasant box; I might not give you a chance to reveal your whole personality. Don’t blame it on me, don’t call me an overly demanding bitch – be a role model to your fellow lads instead.

I can’t quote with name, but I read a very sad truth the other day: we live in a society that teaches women to be prepared for sexual assault, and not in one that teaches men to make sure sexual assault has such a neverending occurance.

To conclude the issue about Julien Blanc: As in any matter there are women who seem not to care and I can’t speak for them, but I know for myself that the support for his backwards chauvinistic mind set is dangerous; for women, for men and for equality in first place.

So, if there’s anyone who disagrees with me – that is your choice, but I might unfriend you, because as tolerant as I try to be most of the time, there are some things which make me sick and I don’t have the energy to waste my time on being upset and angry about that.

And then last but not least a message to all my wonderful male friends: thanks for not being objectifying pricks – you obviously don’t need to be one in order to have a good life, good relationships and good friendships (with male and female equally). I love you. 

November 2014

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